The fastest way to ruin play? Make it mandatory.

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Have you ever been sitting in a staff meeting or PD when someone announces, “Okay everyone, STAND UP! We’re going to have some FUN!”

And your immediate internal response is to crumple up into a tiny ball... then dash for the bathroom

Maybe they want you to play a game or find a partner (IMMEDIATE GAG) and there might even be prizes. The person leading it is probably VERY excited and cannot understand why the rest of you aren’t matching their energy.

Listen, I literally make a living talking about play at work, and even I respond like, please do not make me do this. 😂 Because the thing about play is: you can’t really force it.

A couple of weeks ago, we talked about what actually makes something play. One of the criteria was that play is optional. Then last week, we talked about playfulness and how something only needs to become a little more interesting, entertaining, or stimulating to feel playful.

But what’s interesting, entertaining, or stimulating to ME might be completely different from what works for YOU.

I might turn on music while I’m doing a boring task because it makes the whole thing less terrible. You might find that same music so distracting that you can’t form a complete thought. Someone else might decide to race themselves to see how many emails they can answer in ten minutes. You might hear that suggestion and immediately feel your blood pressure rise.

None of us are doing play wrong. The problem happens when we decide that because something feels playful to US, it should feel playful to everyone else too.

And I think we do this to adults at work ALL THE TIME.

We say things like, “Everybody stand up!” or “Find a partner!” or “We’re going to go around the room and everyone is going to share!” We plan a “fun” staff activity and then get frustrated when someone doesn’t want to participate. We assume the person sitting quietly in the corner isn’t engaged because they aren’t engaging in the way we expected them to.

Sometimes there’s a legitimate reason everyone needs to do the same thing. I am not suggesting you start running meetings where everyone just wanders around doing whatever they feel like. But a LOT of the time, we can give people more choice than we think.

• Instead of “Everyone stand up,” maybe it’s “You’re welcome to stand, move around, or stay right where you are.”

• Instead of “Find a partner and talk about this,” maybe people can talk to someone near them OR jot down a few thoughts on their own.

• Instead of assuming participation has to LOOK a certain way, we can tell people what we’re trying to accomplish and give them a little flexibility in how they get there.

That tiny shift matters because autonomy is a huge part of what makes play feel like play. The minute I HAVE to do the fun thing, it may no longer feel fun. And I think this is particularly interesting in education because educators spend so much time thinking about how different students learn, participate, communicate, regulate, and engage. We KNOW people need different things.

Adults do too.

So this week, I want you to notice how often you hear (or say) some version of “everyone has to…”

• Does everyone actually need to do it the same way?

• Or is there a little room for choice?

Because if we want more playfulness at work (for engagement, retention, well-being, happiness, etc), deciding what everybody else SHOULD enjoy is probably not the best place to start.

Keep playing!